Josh Hatcher's Blog
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Forgetting Who I am....
I’m frustrated… I’m tired… and I need to be renewed.
A blog is a journal. It’s a place to vent your feelings, to share your thoughts..
Reality TV changed the face of entertainment.. the everyday guy became the star. Then the blogosphere was invented.. and everyday people all around the world became “journalists” and their personal thoughts became public…
At the moment.. I’m realizing that I’m not the ONLY one in the world who is struggling where I am struggling… so I thought that I’d journal my thoughts publicly… open air thinking… online.. in front of you.. in the thought that it might help you, and it might help me.
Anyway.. back to me.. because it’s all about me right??? Or at least that’s what happens in my head sometimes…
I’ve gotten so selfish.. so busy, so distracted, that I’ve forgotten my place… I used to have this awesome place, where God talked to me everyday, and I saw him doing miracles, and me and the creator of the universe were best friends…
Somewhere along the way, Josh got focused on everything else but what matters. I’ve been neglecting my time alone with God. I’ve been too “busy” to pray… Sure, I’ve talked to God. I’ve been doing his work, I’ve even heard Him say, talk to this person about me… do this.. don’t do this… and for the most part, I’ve listened…
But I’ve been so focused on the things that don’t matter, that the things that do have been pushed aside.
Where is my passion? Where is the flame that used to burn in my heart to know God more? I remember days when I would take my lunch break, go sit and my car, and cry out to God, asking for more of Him, wanting to know Him better…
Like when I was first married to my wife and I couldn’t keep my hands off her…If I saw her across the room, I got the shivers… (sometimes I still do, of course..)
But where I’ve been with God the past few months, is in that place where God is sitting across the room from me, and I’m over here sitting in my rocking chair, doing my crossword puzzle, and He’s over there trying to get me to talk to Him. Trying to get me to play cards with Him, or go for a walk… just something TOGETHER…
God’s not the only one suffering here… Zoe and the kids miss me too. I can tell. I love them, we get together, we do stuff, but I’ve been pretty distant from everyone I love.
To be honest, Josh is just floating along, working hard at doing everything that seems so “important”, but matters so little…. And God has taken second place to business….
To be honest, my business really feels like idleness… like I’ve been late to dinner, because I was busy playing marbles in the driveway.
Why confess it here? Why bare my soul? Because I know I’m not alone in this. I know there are others struggling right alongside me. And I want to find wholeness, and not allow my foolish choices to go wasted. I want anyone out there who is struggling with this with me to grab me by the hand and walk with me back to an intimate relationship with God…
So I plan on posting my thoughts for awhile as I wrestle with this… feel free to comment your thoughts as well…
So last night, I read the Bible.. ouch… that’s been awhile since I really READ it.. and not just a verse or two in a “devotional”… I actually picked it up, and read it, and talked to God, and heard Him talk to me….
I really felt horrible, I was expecting God to beat me over the head and say, “Darn you Josh, I’m tired of you forgetting about me. Go away you stupid Kid.”
But instead, he said this..
Isa 54:7 I rejected you for a while, but with love and tenderness I will embrace you again.
Isa 54:8 For a while, I turned away in furious anger. Now I will have mercy and love you forever! I, your protector and LORD, make this promise."
Isa 54:9 I once promised Noah that I would never again destroy the earth by a flood. Now I have promised that I will never again get angry and punish you.
Isa 54:10 Every mountain and hill may disappear. But I will always be kind and merciful to you; I won't break my agreement to give your nation peace.
###
Isa 57:11 Did you forget about me and become unfaithful because you were more afraid of someone else? Have I been silent so long that you no longer fear me?
Isa 57:18 I know what you are like! But I will heal you, lead you, and give you comfort, until those who are mourning
Isa 57:19 start singing my praises. No matter where you are, I, the LORD, will heal you and give you peace. (CEV)
Thanks God… for loving me, even though I don’t deserve it. I know I’ve kinda put you on the back burner, and I know that you want me to take you off the stove entirely, and to let you nourish me…. You want to be at the front of my life. I’m sorry that I’ve let stress, and pressure, and deadlines, and tiredness, and excitement about everything and anything else get between us. I didn’t mean to hurt you, but I did. So come on in, don’t mind the mess, or rather, would you help me clean it up? Thanks.
A blog is a journal. It’s a place to vent your feelings, to share your thoughts..
Reality TV changed the face of entertainment.. the everyday guy became the star. Then the blogosphere was invented.. and everyday people all around the world became “journalists” and their personal thoughts became public…
At the moment.. I’m realizing that I’m not the ONLY one in the world who is struggling where I am struggling… so I thought that I’d journal my thoughts publicly… open air thinking… online.. in front of you.. in the thought that it might help you, and it might help me.
Anyway.. back to me.. because it’s all about me right??? Or at least that’s what happens in my head sometimes…
I’ve gotten so selfish.. so busy, so distracted, that I’ve forgotten my place… I used to have this awesome place, where God talked to me everyday, and I saw him doing miracles, and me and the creator of the universe were best friends…
Somewhere along the way, Josh got focused on everything else but what matters. I’ve been neglecting my time alone with God. I’ve been too “busy” to pray… Sure, I’ve talked to God. I’ve been doing his work, I’ve even heard Him say, talk to this person about me… do this.. don’t do this… and for the most part, I’ve listened…
But I’ve been so focused on the things that don’t matter, that the things that do have been pushed aside.
Where is my passion? Where is the flame that used to burn in my heart to know God more? I remember days when I would take my lunch break, go sit and my car, and cry out to God, asking for more of Him, wanting to know Him better…
Like when I was first married to my wife and I couldn’t keep my hands off her…If I saw her across the room, I got the shivers… (sometimes I still do, of course..)
But where I’ve been with God the past few months, is in that place where God is sitting across the room from me, and I’m over here sitting in my rocking chair, doing my crossword puzzle, and He’s over there trying to get me to talk to Him. Trying to get me to play cards with Him, or go for a walk… just something TOGETHER…
God’s not the only one suffering here… Zoe and the kids miss me too. I can tell. I love them, we get together, we do stuff, but I’ve been pretty distant from everyone I love.
To be honest, Josh is just floating along, working hard at doing everything that seems so “important”, but matters so little…. And God has taken second place to business….
To be honest, my business really feels like idleness… like I’ve been late to dinner, because I was busy playing marbles in the driveway.
Why confess it here? Why bare my soul? Because I know I’m not alone in this. I know there are others struggling right alongside me. And I want to find wholeness, and not allow my foolish choices to go wasted. I want anyone out there who is struggling with this with me to grab me by the hand and walk with me back to an intimate relationship with God…
So I plan on posting my thoughts for awhile as I wrestle with this… feel free to comment your thoughts as well…
So last night, I read the Bible.. ouch… that’s been awhile since I really READ it.. and not just a verse or two in a “devotional”… I actually picked it up, and read it, and talked to God, and heard Him talk to me….
I really felt horrible, I was expecting God to beat me over the head and say, “Darn you Josh, I’m tired of you forgetting about me. Go away you stupid Kid.”
But instead, he said this..
Isa 54:7 I rejected you for a while, but with love and tenderness I will embrace you again.
Isa 54:8 For a while, I turned away in furious anger. Now I will have mercy and love you forever! I, your protector and LORD, make this promise."
Isa 54:9 I once promised Noah that I would never again destroy the earth by a flood. Now I have promised that I will never again get angry and punish you.
Isa 54:10 Every mountain and hill may disappear. But I will always be kind and merciful to you; I won't break my agreement to give your nation peace.
###
Isa 57:11 Did you forget about me and become unfaithful because you were more afraid of someone else? Have I been silent so long that you no longer fear me?
Isa 57:18 I know what you are like! But I will heal you, lead you, and give you comfort, until those who are mourning
Isa 57:19 start singing my praises. No matter where you are, I, the LORD, will heal you and give you peace. (CEV)
Thanks God… for loving me, even though I don’t deserve it. I know I’ve kinda put you on the back burner, and I know that you want me to take you off the stove entirely, and to let you nourish me…. You want to be at the front of my life. I’m sorry that I’ve let stress, and pressure, and deadlines, and tiredness, and excitement about everything and anything else get between us. I didn’t mean to hurt you, but I did. So come on in, don’t mind the mess, or rather, would you help me clean it up? Thanks.
:: posted by joshhatcher, 7:03 PM
