What I think

The very first week God revealed something to me that I had always done and not realized I was doing it. One of my brothers in Jesus, asked me if I could travel with him to St. Marys to pick up a gun the next day. I really wanted to go. I knew my schedule included chapel with Amy and it was Michelle's scheduled day to work in the children's church so I was to watch Megan before I had to go to work. So I did what I always did... I called Michelle and asked her if I could go. Her response was "check your calender". I told Dennis that I couldn't go because Michelle had to work. Nice huh? Blame the old lady. I can't because of the 'ol ball and chain. I ate the fruit because of the woman you sent me. What a jerk I had been. I have done this my whole life and I needed to fix it. I confessed that the reason I could not go was because of MY schedule, promises and commitments I had already made, not Michelle and her work. I saw how this makes my wife look to others and I have seen others do the same thing to their wives. I realized how immature this reaction was and how it affects all the people involved. Normally I would have put the whole thing onto my wife by having her adjust her day to accommodate me. Yeah I would blow off my commitments and dump them onto my better half. Here you go Michelle you gotta work with Megan, which BTW is impossible; thus the reason why I am supposed to watch her. I admitted what I did to my wife and asked God for forgiveness and thanked him for the knowledge that I had not had before. I know this is a God work because I have never given this a thought before.I believe that you must always keep growing like a vine and cultivate and fertilize the soil while the branches keep reaching toward the sunlight.   As far as my planned time goes, I find that I have time at work to read my one year bible. Shhhhh don't tell the boss. I spend alot of time at work talking to God and praying. I thought people who talk to themselves were goofy but they were just talking to God. Now that I get up earlier I have no problem going to sleep within an hour after I get out of work. I concluded that the planning is only a good guide instead of a strict rule. Sometimes we don't get to work out and other things get substituted in, I let God be the guide as he should be.    One payday we did not do bills on Friday and as before I could not tell you where the money went. Not a good situation but it wasn't wasted ... I think. Things will get better on this front as we learn money management.    Scheduling is a type of wish list, kinda BS put onto paper but without a written idea of what is going on the next day I often put too much on my plate and leave it up to others to pick up the crumbs as they fall off the plate. I feel guilt over bailing on someone and now God is picking me up out of that. God also spoke to me about placing too much trust into the electronic planning device as it was flushed down the porcelain throne and brought back to life.   The holidays were in a bit of disarray and I lost my "God time" and let me tell you the enemy likes to remind me how easy it is to focus on the worldly, and God being God gives me free will to igore him. It is scary to think that one day if this continues that my heart may be hardened to God and I will no longer hear him calling to me. I feel a disconnect when I fail to read my bible, talk to God, forget to praise Jesus, or when the things of this world just generally take over the number one spot in my thinking. Following God is work, that is certain but I feel his grace is reason enough.

Where, when and why

I needed to equip myself with the proper tools to make this work. I just got a cel phone with a handy calender that is easy to use and rings a reminder of whatever I have going on for each day. How do I figure what to put on it? Well everything that requires my time would have to go into the little reminder. So I just started with the constants like work and put the rest into a logical order. Did I just say logical... this word is new to me so bear with me please. This is going to be interesting.   I scheduled work for eight hours a day every weekday. I have the option to work overtime but I want to neither factor it into my schedule or my budget. I need to be with my family more not give them more money in the budget. Yes we could use more money, some bills are hard to get caught up but this journey is focused on the time management for right now. We will be attending the money management course OA is offering at the beginning of 2009 to help us with a budget. We made it this far on our own strength and things are not good but we trust in the Lord to get us by until we go through the course. I do know that all the overtime in the world will NOT help my situation. I had a job with up to 56 hours MANDATORY overtime in a two week pay peiod and we still lived paycheck to paycheck. So as it stands my time budget is 8 hours a day.   Next I needed to schedule my one year bible time. Where would I find quiet time with a family and busy schedule? Well I knew I need to quit staying up until 4 AM watching "Dog the Bounty Hunter", so reading after work was a logical choice. Hey there is that word "logical" again. I would come home from work and ignore the remote control, pick up my bible and talk to Jesus while the house was quiet. While I am spiritually active, my body on the otherhand would become sleepy. A-12 groups, running sound for Saturday service, teaching Xtreem kids on Sunday and Celebrate Recovery on Saturdays were all punched into the handheld calender.   I must step up to the plate where being an active member of my family is concerned. Now that I shifted my sleep pattern roughly four hours, I have more morning family time. I found I could punch in time to get Amy up and ready for school. I also make it a point to attend weekly chapel services at BACA so I can spend some quality God time with Amy. She needed this as much as I did because she was a daddy's girl until I started second shift. I also desired one on one time with my wife just to connect so we penciled in a slot to work out at the YMCA after we drop off Amy at school a few days a week. This created even more scheduling because the Y requires 24 hour notice to watch Megan but this encourages us to keep the "date".   We factored a half hour to do bills a week. It is only numbers on a piece of paper, there would be no more arguing about money. This would be quite a chance for both of us as Michelle usually took care of the money until I get involved only long enough to create a power struggle or make her feel like she is doing a bad job. Either way it wasn't very Christlike. It is pretty cut and dry and we will do it together for not more than a half an hour a week. This is subject to change when we put into practice what we learn in the course mentioned above.   I would be involved on Saturday mornings with the girls YMCA classes because of an overlap. Amy' gymnastics ran into Megan's swimming classes. Well no problem, I would go swimming with Megan. This is all good but what do we do when Michelle works the third Saturday of each month. Simple... She works at the Y so we can tweak things a little and it works out.   Honestly I have no idea how all this worked out before I had a schedule. It must have been stressful for my wife. I probably forgot a few things in my outline of where, when and why the schedule is the way it is. Next installment will be interesting when I chat about how it is all panning out in reality. I have always had the feeling that planning out things is like a wish list, a bunch of BS just put onto paper to look good. Things never go as planned, right? We shall see what I think of planning and scheduling next.

Fw: blog

I've always been raised to savor the moment and live for today, which also means live for yourself. I realized this after having a discussion with Mike McAvoy. Let me start at the beginning of the issue: I have a job where I do not see my oldest two childeren during the week and my son being a typical 16 year old wants to spend the weekends with his friends. This puts most of the family decision making onto my wife which I felt was not a fair deal for her. I have never worked steady second shift and certainly not with a family to be concerned with and it was easy for me to fall into a rather lazy routine during the week. Work at 1:30 PM until 11 or 12, come home and watch TV until 3 or 4 AM which meant to get the necessary 8 hours sleep I would get up an hour or two before it was time to go to work again. My line of thinking is I need to provide for my family and that is the sacrifice I will make. It must be done, gotta pay the bills. All seemed to be going well for about two months. I went on day shift for a week. We could finally eat together as a family... and for a whole week. This would be great. I would like to say that it was but there would be no reason for this blog. I was totally out of my element. How did this happen? Why was I so miserable? Someone turned the volume up to 10 on my family first of all. They were so loud I thought my eardrums were going to pop. Everyone wanted to talk at the same time. When it got to be overwhelming I would get up and go to another room. My wife and kids all took it in stride and picked up and followed me into the other room. There is no seclution with a family of five who all want your attention at the same time. Why wasn't I cherishing the moment? I couldn't tell you. My wife would ask me a question and I would tell her that I would tell her when I knew the answer. When I would correct the kids I would get a look from my wife like "Why would you say something like that to MY kids?" To tell you the truth, I was looking forward to going back on second shift, watching TV by myself all night and sleeping until it was time to go to work again. Satan the enemy was setting me up... and I was keen to how he works. The problem is not my family. They are everything a  family should be. I couldn't see that because the enemy was pressing me into hiding at work and in bed sleeping all week. This created pressure on my wife left alone to raise the childeren and do everything I was not. I know that quitting my job would not solve the problem long term. I racked my brain on what to do but I felt even more isolated. Mike my brother in Christ would know how to help me. I set up a meeting with him thinking that we would pray and bind the enemy and go home. Well I spilled the beans and Mike went into a discussion on how planning and organization blah blah blah. Did he just say planning and organization? WOW now I felt like a panic attack coming on. Anxiety is not a stranger to me. Planning and organization were quite strange to me. I have never HAD to plan stuff or organize anything. I am living for the moment why would I think ahead to anything? That day may never come. I always took one day at a time. Do you know how long it took me to break my wife of her almost compulsive planning mannerisms? It was hard but I did it. Now I had to entertain the idea of being like she was. I am thankful that God continues to keep my heart soft to this type of thing because it is very easy to say that "I am not that kind of person" and continue running into walls. I wish to grow in the Lord as the seed was planted. Always leaning toward the light, not growing so ridgid that one cannot bend like a thorny bush. This whole schedule thing is going to be an adventure for me but I see it for what it is, how it can ease burdens, and help my family. I will post along this journey to encourage myself and maybe touch others in this discipline. I have one week under my belt so far and some things have already shown improvement. I am sure there will be struggles but God willing, the transition will have awsome results.

Welcome to Brian Mahaney's Blog

Brian Mahaney's Blog