Submission, the secret to success

Everybody wants success! Success in their relationships (with God, spouse, parents, siblings, children), success in society and the workplace, and so on.

Everybody wants love, peace, joy, and so on.

What if it wasn't as hard as we think to find ALL of this?

To read more click the link below:

Submission, the secret to success

Do I care? Do I believe?

I’ve been serving Jesus now for 18 years, 13.5 of which has been in pastoral ministry. I’ve studied hard, preached as accurately and in line with scripture as I could. I’ve tried to hit all the important topics and even the not so important ones. I’ve worked to make biblical principles and application clear, so we can know what the Bible says and do what the Bible says.

Some of the topics I’ve addressed in the last 16 months are sex (4), relationships (13), Finances (5), life fulfillment (4), leadership (2), attitude (2), healing (1), spiritual disciplines (11), mission (13); false spirituality (4); practical Christian living (8) and within each series I address many other issues we face as human beings.

The point: In this time I’ve watched people continue to struggle with poor financial management even though I’ve preached on the subject 5 times. I’ve seen relationships suffering and even ending in divorce even though I’ve taught on healthy relationships at least 13 times. In spite of preaching on mission and personal responsibility and life fulfillment about 25 times very few of our people are really sharing Jesus with the lost. And in spite of talking about spiritual disciplines at least 11 times we still have people that are not reading their Bibles, making prayer a priority, are not connected in fellowship, are not generally applying the Bible as they learn it, and in a nutshell aren’t maturing.

So what? Well, I have had to ask myself the question… What will make the difference? Because year after year I see some peoples lives transformed and others stay bad or even get worse. Even in my own life, knowing what I know, there are times I fail to experience God’s best in particular areas of my life. Why?

Why have some people heard the messages I’ve taught and they’ve grown and benefited from them? Their life and relationships and finances have been changed! But others have heard the same messages and been unchanged or perhaps have even gotten worse.

What is the answer? What’s the difference between these two groups? It’s not the message I teach, that’s the same for both.

I realized while driving for 4 hours and talking with Marne (my wife) that THE key issue is three things:

1) Do I care? Meaning, do I the individual care about the issues in my life and trying to change them and thus do I care about what I can learn and apply from the message of God’s word?

Relationships… Do I really care about the person(s) I’m in relationship with and thus do I care what this message is saying about how I can experience God’s best in this area of my life?

Finances… Do I really care about being a good steward, having financial freedom, pleasing God, helping others, and being out of debt and thus do I care what this message is saying about how I can experience God’s best in this area of my life?

The degree that people care is the degree that transformation becomes possible, because it’s to the same degree that information becomes more than just data, but life!

The honest answer for most people on this first question is, NO! I’m content to live in this mess. I’m to tired or lazy or hopeless to put forth the effort it will take to even try to change if it’s even possible. And that leads us to #2.

2) Do I believe? Meaning, do I the individual believe that with God and doing things His way my circumstance can really change and be great instead of nominal. Do I believe God will really keep His promise to change this situation?

This can be a cause or an affect from the first issue of “Do I care?” but the point is, this is often the energy source needed to do what needs done to make the changes.

If I have no hope for the future, I’ll have no strength for the present.

If I don’t believe the goal is attainable, I will not be motivated to put forth effort to reach it.

Crazy thing is, what I believe I can do I can and what I believe I can’t do I can’t. Jesus made it very clear, according to our faith things happen.

3) Selfishness. Most people suffer and don’t experience God’s best because they’re not willing to die to the selfish desires in their life. They aren’t willing to kill the behavior that gives them mediocrity and surrender to and apply the behavior that will give them great.

Relationships… They know certain behaviors are destructive, but they don’t care, because they care more about gratifying themselves through the destructive behavior.

Finances… They know certain behaviors are poor stewardship, displeasing to God, and beyond their financial means, but they don’t care, because they want it and they want it now! If they can’t afford it, that’s okay, use plastic!

It’s easy to break these down and identify them in discussion, but in real life these are connected with each other, kind of like the triangle of death.

I would say in my humble assessment of the people I’ve ministered to over the years these are the 3 core issues of peoples being victorious or victims, living nominal lives or great lives, being spiritual dynamos or luke-warm religious folk. I’ve seen probably thousands of people hear the same information from me; some it helped and some it didn’t. What was the difference, the message or the heart of the hearer?

Religion or Relationship?

Roughly 98% of the people in the world believe in God. While most people believe in God many struggle with the question: Which religion is right? The answer is none of them. In order to accurately understand this statement we must define religion.

Religion is simply manmade rules, standards, traditions, and rituals.

What bearing do any of these have on our relationship with God (Yes, Relationship)?

No matter what “religion” you subscribe to they all have a few common beliefs. God is real, he created the universe and everything in it, there is a right and wrong, and there are blessings and curses to be experienced, and there is an eternity in the balance for each person.

While some religions have described God as being somewhat disconnected from humanity and it’s plight, Jesus taught a very different view.

Jesus taught that God cares for people and that He created people for a purpose, that purpose was not servitude out of religious duty, it was not to make church goers, it was not to make slaves, it was to make children. Jesus taught that God made people to be his children, His objects of deep love and affection, and that He (God) desires a relationship with His creation.

Jesus taught that the greatest commandment of all was to “love God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength” (Mark 12:30 NIV). The point of this is two fold… 1) Love is the issue! We’re to have a loving relationship with God and this relationship isn’t just a religious hobby, it’s our life. We live for it with our entire being. 2) This relationship is then the motivating factor in all our life decisions. This gives us guidance in how to live.

Like any relationship, because we love and care about the person and what they think it alters our behavior and way of life so we can live in harmony with them and experience the relationship at it’s best. This is how it works with God.

Does this mean all religion is bad? Not at all!

It is written, “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” (James 1:27 NIV)

So, religion, as previously defined, that encourages addressing causes of social justice and personal purity/morality is seen as good and acceptable. Religion then is nothing more than a tool to help people in their relationship with God and their pursuit of being the person God made them to be.

So, which religion is “right”? The answer is none of them. If you follow the teachings of Jesus He taught relationship with God through His (Jesus’) sacrificial work and this relationships was the motivating factor for spirituality and morality. Everything else is just tools.

What do you do with tools? Use them when they work. Put them in the box when they don’t. If they’re broke throw them away. Common sense!

Religion isn't especially bad or wrong or right, it's just a tool. Devotion to religion isn't bad, or wrong, or right it just can't supercede or take the place of your relationship/commitment to God.

When Religion helps you live out the truths of God's word, grow in your relationship with God, and become the person God made you to be then use it, but when it becomes God in your life, or becomes dead lifeless rituals, or becomes as authoritative as the Bible in your life then it's time to reevaluate and perhaps move on to a different tool.

The sowing and reaping principle

He told them another parable: "The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed... Matthew 13:31

Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. Galatians 6:7

6Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. 7Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. 8And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. 9As it is written:
"He has scattered abroad his gifts to the poor;
his righteousness endures forever." 10Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness. 11You will be made rich in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God. 2Corinthians 9:6-11

Based on these texts we see the Kingdom of God is based on a seed/sowing and reaping principle.

This is a breakdown of five key principles of sowing and reaping. There are other principles to entertain: Quality of soil, preparation of soil, quality of seed, tending the seed planted, and so on. A lot can be said for each of these.

The goal of this message is to address more of the outcome of the sowing and reaping as opposed to the full process from start to finish.

It’s important to note that these principles apply to every area of life, not exclusively to agriculture, finances, or whatever you might isolate it to. The fact is Jesus taught that this is the principle of the Kingdom of God, not a piece of it, but the whole thing. Every promise, every circumstance and issue, all of it!

Here are 5 key principles we need to understand.

1. You reap/harvest what you sow/plant.
If you want tomatoes don’t plant apple seeds. If you sow love, in time, you will reap love. If you plant material blessings, in time, you’ll reap material blessings. If you plant nothing, you’ll get nothing.

2. The degree/measure that I plant is the degree I will harvest.
The more seed I plant, the more plants will grow and the more fruit will be produced. One seed equals one plant, but usually more than one fruit grows on a plant, so the return on planted seed is a multiplied return, not just addition. God multiplies blessings upon us.

3. God’s plan is to make me abound (in context financially, but God intends for us to abound in all grace in every good work and this includes every area of life).
To abound means to go above. It means on a scale of 1 to 10, 11. Abounding means to exceed the need. In vs 8 we’re told God will cause “all grace to abound” (it’s His intention to exceed the need and provide richly for) so that we may “abound in every good work”. We’re told in vs 11, “you will be made rich in every way…” Rich meaning more than enough or abundantly supplied for, in every way. Whatever need I face material, physical, emotional, etc I will be richly provided for.

4. As the seed grows and produces fruit, remember that not all that fruit is for you to eat… within the fruit is more seed to plant and produce more!
It’s important to note that God gives us both seed and bread. Seed is for planting, bread is for eating. Note that God brings increase of seed first, so it’s increase for planting first then increase for consumption. Too many of us are quick to take the blessing of the Lord and consume it, but we’re eating our seed. This leads us back to principle #1, if I don’t plant anything I won’t reap anything. So, be prayerful and careful about blessings in your life. Why did God bless you in this way? Is the blessing bread to meet a need or want in your life or is it seed that God expects you to use to meet a need or want in the life of someone else? You can only answer this through prayer and discernment.

5. From planting to harvest is called a season. It takes time for seed to grow and produce fruit. It’s a process, not instantaneous.
We must understand that the blessing is not always an instantaneous result. Often times there is a season involved for the seed we’ve planted to grow, mature, and become fruit bearing.

Impatience will rob us of the fruit/blessing. Impatience will see no immediate fruit and say, “This isn’t working!” “This takes too long!” “This is too hard!” and quit. We get impatient and angry and we abandon the seed (watering it with our faith and praise), or we’ll cut down the fruitless plant before it’s season of fruit bearing. The bottom line is our impatience and lack of faith/trust in God robs us of what would have come to us in due season. We get angry at God about it, but who’s to blame? Not God, not even the Devil, it’s me! My own self is to blame, no body else.

Take the time to consider how these principles apply to your relationship with God, spouse, parents, children, friends, neighbors, co-workers, classmates, even your enemies.

Take the time to consider how these principles apply to your health, wealth, and so on.

The Difference

I was having a conversation with a friend that led into the fact that the average stay of a youth pastor in a church is under 2 years and the average stay of most pastors is somewhere between 3 and 5 years, but the other reality is that the longer a minister stays at a ministry the more effective they and the ministry become.

So, we have an obvious problem, but interestingly it’s not a problem isolated to ministers and ministries. It’s a problem across the board of life.

The key issue is commitment/perseverance.

In America we are used to immediate gratification, instantaneous results, fast food, fast cars, fast relationships, fast money, microwaves, instant potatoes, you name it, and we face the same problem… less than great/best results.

Very few have learned what many of our grandparents knew to be true… persevering hard work pays off. They knew nothing is easy, nothing is perfect, and so you have to commit, work hard, endure the bad and enjoy the good, but above all… persevere.

In the lives of many people, if the relationship gets too boring or tough and requires work and sacrifice and discomfort, then we just get rid of it, and we apply this same principle to our work, church, and our relationships with God, family and friends.

Not only has our “microwave mentality” affected our commitment to long-term results, but so has another aspect of our society, namely the “disposable mentality”.

Very few things are built to last. It used to be if a TV, computer, or VCR broke, you would pay to have it repaired, but not any more. Now days, you just trash it and go buy a new one. Why? Because we all know that today’s products are not built to last, they don’t have the same quality as the products of our grandparents. Therefore, it’s cheaper and wiser to just buy a new product than pay the money to have the cheapo outdated product repaired.

This “disposable mentality” has also crept into other areas of life. If a job or relationship doesn’t seem to work right, doesn’t run smoothly, or down right gets broke, we just throw it away.

The effect of these two mentalities is tragic and catastrophic in our nation and around the world in industrialized nations.

First, we are a selfish people committed only to our personal happiness, comfort, pleasure, and so on. No one and no thing is more important than me and thus we live in a world where everyone is consumed with looking out for number one only.

No rule, relationship, or anything else is more important than trying to fulfill me and therefore, nothing is sacred, nothing has my devotion/commitment, anything can be broken.

If I’m not the center of the attention, if this thing doesn’t revolve around me, then it’s not real, has no value, and doesn’t have my persevering commitment.

Second, we are people who are shallow and have no depth/fulfillment in life. Because we break things off every time they don’t center on us, gratify us, or work out smoothly we have nothing in life to anchor us to reality or life in general. We are a people with no roots… no roots in our job, our relationships, our faith.

Thirdly, we are broken people. With so many people being the “discarded” in life, the one’s not worth the time and energy, we have a lot of wounded, broken, and empty people. Not only that, but by our brokenness we are a dysfunctional people who don’t know how to have fulfilling relationships, jobs, and faith. We don’t know how to stick with it, how to question and communicate without feeling that “fight or flight” mentality kick in, and how to accept that no matter how strong the relationship with another person their world does not revolve around just you, it’s not all about you. They have other people in their life that they love and care about too, and this reality doesn’t mean they love less, or are less committed, or that the relationship isn’t real and should just be trashed.

This brokenness not only effects our commitment in relationships, it effects our commitment to work, our commitment to personal health, our commitment to good stewardship of all God’s blessed us with.

So, the key… Choice!

Choice of what? Choose to commit unwaveringly to the things God has called you to; your relationship with him and those around you, your stewardship of your person and your material wealth, your work, you name it.

Have a persevering attitude. Not a quitter attitude. Don’t embrace the “Immediate Gratification Mentality” or the “Disposable Mentality” when it comes to the important areas of your life. Understand that a good experience and quality living in the area of relationships, wealth, health, and faith come through time, hard work, and weathering the storms and not giving up; in a nutshell the difference is… perseverance/commitment.

Just hanging

It’s odd that Jesus just hung out.

We know he grew up learning the trade of Carpentry, yet we never once see him working on anything except one thing… what he said to be the most important thing… relationships.

Jesus said the most important thing in life… the Greatest Commandment… is to love God and love people. Life is all about loving relationships. This is our purpose, the reason for our existence.

As American Christians we seem to loose sight of this truth and buy in to the lie that life is all about consuming.

We get caught up in the rat race of trying to live beyond our means (keeping up with the latest and greatest) and working to pay for all the stuff we couldn’t afford and didn’t really need.

We live to work instead of working to live. We live to eat instead of eating to live. The list goes on and on, except in one area, Relationships.

We put little time into them. We put little energy into them. We act destructively (selfishly) within them. We view them from a very shallow and narrow perspective. If they don’t go just the way we want them we abandon them. And we wonder why we feel so empty, unhappy, and like life is meaningless.

Jesus said life is all about relationships… first our relationship with God… second our relationships with other people.

So, when is the last time you hung out with God? Just sat and talked, ate, sang, watched a show?

When is the last time you hung out with the people God brought into your life? Just sit around talking, playing a game, watching a show, singing, praying, eating… you know… having fun.

Yes, I said the “F” word. Fun! To some Christians this is as bad as the “F***” word.

The Bible says “GOD HAS GIVEN US ALL THINGS FOR OUR ENJOYMENT”. Notice the last word… enjoyment.

Too many of us are stressed out miserable people. We have no joy or pleasure in life. We take no time to enjoy life. We don’t share life with others. We need picnics, movie night, card games, etc.

I want to encourage you to lighten up. I’m not encouraging laziness. Don’t shirk your responsibilities to WATCH AND PRAY or to PREACH THE GOOD NEWS or to be the spouse or parent or employee that God has called us to be, but do take time to relax, reflect, hang out and have fun, enjoy life! Enjoy your family, friends, food, possessions… every aspect of life. Face it with a smile. Look for the good in life, because there is where you’ll find God, because as Jesus said, “ONLY GOD IS GOOD.”

sex after marriage

I've been in the ministry for 16.5 years. Of that I've pastored 11.5 years. I've been married almost 9 years.
In this time frame I've done much marriage counseling and there are some pretty stereotypical issues you'll hear and have to address. I've heard enough both stereotypical issues and some very non-stereotypical issues that nothing really suprizes me... and I can usually see both points of view and help people make some sense of their problems... there always is two sides to every story and always something that each spouse can work on to make the marriage better.

But, I never understand one continuously resurfacing issue among married couples... Why is it, that majority of married couples couldn't keep themselves off each other to such a degree that most have sex before their married, and that quite often, but once they get married it would seem that there is this switch that gets flipped in a woman and all of the sudden they don't seem to understand or care how big of a deal sex is to their man.

Most women dress with some cleavage showing, a little midriff exposed, perhaps a little leg, prettied up with makeup, nails, and a hair job. Why? What's the point of putting it out there if their not going to put out? And I mean put out to their husbands.

And if they have no intention of putting out, why show off in a way that gets a guys attention? Unless, they are trying to get ANOTHER guys attention.

You can tell me that your husband doesn't meet your emotional needs or is a jerk or doesn't make enough money or doesn't father the kids right or whatever... and use this as the excuse for why your marriage sucks and why you don't feel very desirous for sex, but why then ditty up to be attractive catching both your husbands and other mens attention?

The fact is to all the men I've ever talked to sex is a big deal.

The bottom line, is while I hear regularly from disgruntled couples about how finances, communication, and kids are a problem and I can understand from both spouses perspective, I never understand why a woman thinks that having infrequant to no sexual relations shouldn't matter or make a difference in the marriage, especially since they can "justify it".

But, for these poor husbands that are struggling with a LOOK BUT DON'T TOUCH wife they are ANGRY. That's right! They tell me they have a lot of anger and resentment toward their wives. This hostility is obviously unhealthy and destructive to the marriage.

And, because they are normal healthy males they have sexual desires that are teased and unmet making the temptation to stray or lust all the more powerful.

Yes, I believe that there is no excuse for a man to compromise and cave in to sexual temptation. Yes, I believe there are many things some of these husbands need to improve on and start doing to romance and care for their wife and family.

But, shouldn't this sex thing be an understood thing? Didn't both of you want to have before marriage?

Now the other side of the coin... First let me say, that if you're a woman in a marriage where the guy is a dictator like jerk who is very unloving, mean, even abusive, selfish, and leaving you feel wounded and abandoned... I completely understand why you wouldn't want to even touch the man let alone have sex with him. And, I also understand the hidden emotional need that tempts you to find gratification in the attention and affection from other men. I'm not condoning any adulterous behavior, but I understand the factors and the pull they have.

I do understand that sex for a woman is not just a physical act for personal pleasure... and it was never intended by the Creator to be just that, so the normal woman, if there is not some kind of emotional connection will not feel like having sex. Bottom line! And the more anger and coldness that comes between her and her husband the lack of desire only increases.

Many men forget the fact that they wooed their wife to get her to marry him. The swept her off her feet and made her feel like she was the most important and beautiful person in the world. Then they get married and focus all their attention on work and hobbies. Then they wonder why their wife doesn't want to have sex on a frequent basis.

It would seem to me that both husbands and wives are forgetting what it took to catch their mate... and failing to understand that it will take that to keep them.

I'm so blessed in my marriage, but it breaks my heart as I see couple after couple growing apart instead of closer together.

I see the men dropping the relational ball, with a consequence they don't like. They cease wooing their wives and thus cease to get what they desire, but instead are met with coldness, resentment, anger, hostility, divorce, or an affair.

I see women dropping the sexual ball, with the a consequence they don't like. They cease to capture their husbands affection and attraction and the cease to get the relational intrest and care they desire, but instead are met with resentment, anger, hostility, coldness, divorce, or an affair.

Often this condition can be seen, but then the argument comes of who will pick of the ball first. While I lean heavily on men to be the leader in their home I also have this to say... If you see the problem, don't wait for someone else to initiate and fix it, you pick up the ball and start working on your part.

Matthew 5 and Matthew 18 tell us if we know some one is hurt by us or that we hurt them, we aren't to wait until they come to us or until they do their part. No, we are to step up and go to them and do our part.

My prayers are that we will wake up to how God wired each of us and how Satan is exploiting our differnces using our selfishness to bring division and destruction to our family relationships.

Emotions, gages or guides?

I want to share a recent post I shared with a friend who was struggling with feeling depressed, hopefully it'll help others out there. I've expounded a little bit more as I've had more time to think on the subject.

I want to encourage you to always remember that God gave us emotions, and he did it for a reason. Heck, even God has emotions.

God gave us these emotions to experience life in all it's fullness. He gave them to us so we could enjoy life and be able to recognize when things were wrong/bad.

God gave us emotions to act like a gage, like what you'd find on the dashboard of your car. Your "feelings"/emotions let you know whether things are good or bad, functioning right or wrong, inbalance or out of balance in your life, but they are not rational and are not to be your guide.

Always remember, God gave you feelings/emotions to be your gage to let you know that things are where they should or should not be, but they are not your guide. The emotions will tell you SOMETHING is wrong, but not necessarily WHAT is wrong. What your emotions are saying is wrong or is the problem may just be a surface issue, it may be something a whole lot deeper and bigger. Something we really don't want to have to address or deal with, for whatever reason, be it fear, pride, selfishness, you name it.

Your guide must always be wisdom and understanding. True wisdom and understanding is more than knowing what the Bible says (what the truth of the matter is), but it's knowing how to apply/do it in your life. It's knowing the right response, decision, or coarse of aciton.

Wisdom and understanding are your rational in times of hightened/extreme emotion. Emotions know no logic. So, emotions can lead you astray. Emotions are the gage to say something is very right or very wrong and all that is inbetween. Wisdom and understanding are the guide to how identify and fix what is wrong and how not to go off the deep end when things are really good.

Beware of worldly wisdom and understanding/logic. They can lead you astray.

Here are some ways to grow in wisdom and understanding and build a solid foundation of rational to guide you when the gages go into the red.

1. Remember you need to renew your mind with God's Word (Truth) to have a sound foundation of rational/logic. So, read it and know what it says.

2. Specifically read Philippians 4:6-8 faithfully and do what it says. Also, there are 31 chapters of Proverbs, one for each day of the month, read a chapter every day, every month. You might think this will get old, but the wisdom of God is inexhaustable and Proverbs is no exception.

3. Learn the art of application! True wisdom is not knowledge only, but both knowledge and application of that knowledge. Do what it says!

4. Remember the promise of perseverence! James 1:2-4; 1Peter 1:6-7; and Hebrews 6:11-12. Learn to never quit or give up.